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Thomas Young

when Thomas Young was still young he was a son of a gun
son of conservative Quakers so very uptight
he would not sweeten his tea with products of slavery
he knew that men would rather be free

when he was only a sprat his mind was quick as a cat
collectin' oceans of detail every salient fact
he saw the forest and trees and every leaf in the breeze
and in a flash he comprehended it all

and he said 'hey encyclopedia here's another
entry on a subject deep and wide
I don't need no credit I am the one they call
the phenomenon'

upon the back of a horse he took a ride to the north
attended medical school up in Edinburgh
he played the flute and he danced maybe he found some romance
it's hard to say some things are not written down

the Quakers were not amused by his behavior confused
so at the end of the school year he rode further north
through burnin' sun and through rain mosquitos searchin' for veins
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he persevered recordin' it all

and he said 'hey encyclopedia here's another
entry on a subject deep and wide
I don't need no credit I am the one they call
the phenomenon — anon.'

light rays behave more like waves so Thomas Young would have said
and eyes do not change their shape when lookin' further away
some tiny muscles within tug on the zonules of Zinn
in turn they bend the crystaline lens

that bastard Champollion ripped off our phenomenon's
decrypted hieroglyphics which he claimed as his own
but our polymath probably has the last laugh
because he's known for the Rosetta stone

and he said 'hey encyclopedia here's another
entry on a subject deep and wide
I don't need no credit I am the one they call
the phenomenon — anon'