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The Lancashire Hotpots
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I Fear Ikea (Live at the Lowry)
Now let me tell of a shop that fills me with dread
It's blue and it's yellow but I always see red
It's a furniture store that makes me want to shout
'Cos once you've entered, you can't find your way out!
That's why I fear Ikea
I won't go there again
I don't want a bookcase called Billy
Or a table called Sven
Just don't go of a Satdee if you don't want fer queue
And that doesn't include th'hour sat on't M62
If you go of a Wednesday, well it just makes you laugh
It's the size of Belgium but there's no bloody staff!
That's why I fear Ikea
I won't go there again
I don't want a bookcase called Billy
Or a table called Sven
It's a good 10 mile walk if you just want a shelf.
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Hang on, you want me to go in th' warehouse and pick it meself?
Well I struggled wi' trolley I didn't get very far
And the boxes were that big they didn't fit in the car!
That's why I fear Ikea
I won't go there again
I don't want a bookcase called Billy
Or a table called Sven
Michael Palin he's traveled the world once or twice
They said 'Why don't you explore Ikea Michael? That'd be nice'
Well the men at the Beeb must have been off their heads
He went missing a week ago between kitchens and beds!
That's why I fear Ikea
I won't go there again
I don't want a bookcase called Billy
Or a table called Sven
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