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The People's Douche

What's up?
I'm sorry to interupt your evening at the eatery
I'm about to freak, what you believe
Unbelievably
You will see
Everytime Sparker, comma, Peter speaks
It's bacon for the jews and gay marriage for the Jesus freaks
VHS tapes flying out the red box
All the Yankee's fans cheerin' for the Red Sox
And the neo nazis, all growing dread locks
Listening into Erykah Badu
Until their head nods
Throw a little steak in
While I'm makin'
Vegan's omelettes
Democrats out huntin' in the forestry
Republicans giving tax cuts to minorities
All the beer snobs
Chillin', sippin Natty Ice
While I take a bachelor
And match him with a battered wife
Got the Hipsters
Clothes shopping at Wall-Mart
Hanging with the B-Team
Acting like they're all stars
Unplugging tanning booths
In Little Italy
Hanging with some country music fans
Bumping little B
Making A&R's
Spit bars and vans
While I'm reading poetry to some Nascar fans

Look, it's Peter Sparker in this bitch
I'm the people's douche
And I will never quit until the day I see the poor become the rich
Or the rich become the poor
So they're holding open doors
For the single moms who buy their food up at the dollar store

I got some alpha males thinking they're lame
Donald Trump just asked me for spare change
The Westboro baptist church is having gay sex
While I got the sneaker heads
Shopping up in payless
Then I got the teenagers all leaving social media
And reading what a library is on Wikipedia
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I can make a morning person sleep to the evening
Shit I got Lebron James moving back to Cleaveland
I can get the housewives to all stop gossiping
And get the Taliban startin' all girls colleges (colleges)
Illiterate people, they all want to read about it
Let's do something sweet and not tweet about it
Dead beat dads asking where the diapers are
Drag queens all dancing in the biker bar
Jocks giving geeks props as the pass in the hall
I got Kobe Bryant passing the ball

It's Peter Sparker in this bitch
I'm the people's douche
And I will never quit until the day I see the poor become the rich
Or the rich become the poor
So they're holding open doors
For the single moms who buy their food up at the dollar store
Man the day is gonna come when the bosses will be generous
And all the employees will get some benefits for once
And until the day it does
You know I'm your fucking butt
It's the people's douche
Now let me see those dirty hands up!

Put your hands up!
If you only got a dollar in your pocket
And this shit ain't enough!
Put your hands up!
Put your hands up!
If you're not here to put 'em up
Cause you had to work and couldn't come!

It's Peter Sparker in this bitch
I'm the people's douche
And I will never quit until the day I see the poor become the rich
Or the rich become the poor
So they're holding open doors
For the single moms who buy their food up at the dollar store
Man the day is gonna come when the bosses will be generous
And all the employees will get some benefits for once
And until the day it does
You know I'm your fucking butt
It's the people's douche
Now let me see those dirty hands up!