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Bob And Tom


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【 暫存 】【 英文 】

1.The Man Song
2.Complete Camel Toe
3.The Woman Song
4.Enormous Penis
5.The Cameltoe Song
6.Bad Pickup Lines
7.Mama Was A Hitman
8.The Pussy Cat Song
9.You Can Be Mean To Me
10.Condomnation



1.The Man Song (修改)

Ladies and Gentle man the man song!

(He's the man, He's the man)
(Crew Laughs)

I don't take no crap from anyone else but you,
I wear the pants around here when im finished with your laundry,
Cause I'm a guy you don't wanna fight,
When I say jump you say, 'Yeah Right!'
Im the man of this house until you get home

(He's the man, He's the man)

What I say goes around here right out the window,
And I don't want to hear alot of whining so I'll shut up,
The sooner you learn whos boss around here
The sooner you can give me my orders dear,
Cause I'm head huncho around here but its all in my heeeeaaaadddd!!

(He's the man, He's the man)

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And I can have sex any time that you want,
Cause I'm a man who has needs but they're not that important,
And don't expect any flowers from me cause if im not mistaken you perfer jewlery,
I'm the king of my castle when your not around,

(He's the man, He's the man)

And I'll drink and watch sports whenever I want to get in trouble,
And I'll come home when I'm good and ready, to sleep on the couch,
Cause a MAN's gotta do what a MAN's gotta do,
and I'm gonna do what you tell me to,
Because I'm top dog around here but I've been nutered!!

(He's the man, He's the man)

You da man!

(Clapping)

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2.Complete Camel Toe (修改)

Camel Toe

You're a beautiful girl
and your pants are on on so tight
that when you stand just right
I can see it all

When your on the beach
and your bikini's soaking wet
I see a fuzzy silhouette as I look down below
I see your camel toe

(1st Chorus)
Your biscuit, your beavage, I see your cooter clevage
Your monkey, your muffin, you ain't hidden nothin,
Your coochie, your flapper, your showin' off your snapper,
Your camel toe, it looks so right so baby let it show
Looks like a big taco,
I see your camel toe
Merci, madamme, voila la bearded clam

I could really go
for a sideways sloppie joe
or a tuna casserole
baby don't you know
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I never thought I'd see
so much of your anatomy
Your jeans are so tight
I'm learning geinacology
I see your camel toe.

(2nd Chorus)
Your labia, you vulva, ou you know I love ya
Pudenda ,vagina nothing could be finer
Its furry, its fluffy, looking kinda puffy
Your camel toe, it looks so right so baby let it show
Looks like a big taco,
I see your camel toe
Merci, madamme, voila la bearded clam

(Repeat 1st Chorus)
Your biscuit, your beavage, I see your cooter clevage
Your monkey, your muffin, you ain't hidden nothin,
Your coochie, your flapper, your showin' off your snapper,
Your camel toe, it looks so right so baby let it show
Looks like a big taco,
I see your camel toe




3.The Woman Song (修改)

I am woman hear me roar if you don't open my door.I can do anything that a man can do but I don't have to.Oh, the female sex has a lot more class unless we're lookin at a male strippers ass; I'm a 21st century gal-but I can't set my VCR...
Well I am not your hooker, but you're still gonna pay! Cause sex is a special thing and a darn good weapon. Because my body belongs to me-until I get dinner and a movie...I don't sleep around;until I do a credit check...
And I have a mind of my own-which I change every two seconds. And I'm not afraid to ask for directions cause I can't fold a map. And I stand behind my man so I can nag him as much as I can. And I can fight in combat-but I can't kill a spider...
And I never tell a lie-but I will fake an orgasm. Cause I am the real McCoy except for my boobs and my face...And I don't take drugs and I don't drink booze but I am addicted to buying shoes...
And I am very proud of my age...Which is none of your freakin buizzzznessss!




4.Enormous Penis (修改)

Whenever life get you down
Keeps you wearing a frown
And the gravy train has left you behind
And when your all out of hope
Down at the end of your rope
And nobody's there to throw you a line

If you ever get so low
That you don't know which way to go
Come on and take a walk in my shoes
Never worry 'bout a thing
Got the world on a string
Cause i've got the cure for all of my blues (all of his blues)

I take a look at my enormous penis
And my troubles start a-meltin' away (ba-doom bop bop)
I take a look at my enormous penis
And the happy times are comin' to stay (be-doo)

I got a sing and I dance
When I glance in my pants
And a-feelin's like a sun shiny day
I take a look at my enormous Pe-e-enis
And a-everything is goin' my way (ba-doom bop bop)
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*Whistle Solo*

Zubudo zus zus zuboo-davey ba jud zud zuboo-day
Vabyado vuz vuz ba shoo-ba-do wah
Zubudo zub zub shaloo dub dub pe-e-enis

Sing along at home why don't you?
Two, three

I take a look at my enormous penis (it's not that hard)
And my troubles start a-meltin' away (just Bob and Tom)
I take a look at my enormous penis
And the happy times are comin' to stay (be-doo)
Yeah i got great big amounts in the place where it counts
And the feelin's like a sun shiny day
I take a look at my enormous pe-e-enis
And a-ev'rything is goin' my way (on bob and tom now)
Ev'rything is goin' my way (hey look at these goobers)
Ev'rything is goin' my way (Ai-chi-wow-wah)
Ev'rything is goin' my waaaaaaaaay
Yummmmm




5.The Cameltoe Song (修改)

Bob and Tom Band
When you're on the beach
And your bikini's soaking wet
I see a fuzzy silhouette
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As I look down below
I see your cameltoe

[Chorus 1:]
Your biscuit, your beavage, I see your pooter cleavage
Your monkey, your muffin, you ain't hidin' nothin'
Your coochie, your flapper, you're showin'off your snapper
Your cameltoe
It looks all right so baby let it show
Looks like a big taco
I see your cameltoe

Merci Madame, voila le bearded clam

I could really go
For a sideways sloppy joe
Or a tuna casserole
Baby don't you know

I never thought I'd see
So much of your anatomy
Your jeans are so tight
I'm learning gynecology
I see your cameltoe

[Chorus 2:]
Your labia, your vulva, ooh you know I love ya
Pudenda, vagina, nothin' could be finer
It's furry, it's fluffy, lookin' kinda puffy
Your cameltoe
It looks so right so baby let it show
Looks like a big taco
I see your cameltoe

[Chorus 1:]
Your biscuit, your beavage, I see your pooter cleavage
Your monkey, your muffin, you ain't hidin' nothin'
Your coochie, your flapper, you're showin'off your snapper
Your cameltoe
It looks so right so baby let it show
Looks like a big taco
I see your cameltoe




6.Bad Pickup Lines (修改)

Bob & Tom

Here's a poem called Bad Pickup Lines

Hey don't I know you from the bus?
My mom has that same dress
Wanna see a trick I learned in prison?
How much were your breasts?
Are you drunk or is that just a lazy eye?

My tool needs a shed
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I'd like to park my corrective shoes underneath your bed
You think it's impressive now...this cold sore's just gettin' started
Mind if I hang out here 'till it's safe back where I farted?

'Scuse me if I interupted
And I'm not trying to make a pass
But you must be leaving the country
If you're packing that much ass




7.Mama Was A Hitman (修改)

Bob & Tom

I remember when I was 'bout 2 years old
in a play pen on a grassy mole countin cars was some
new schoolbooks Mr. Oswald said were ours
Mama would take us to work and some Cuban held on our hand

Mama was a Hitman

We'd cross the country changing schools
Mama me and some guy named Raul
I failed the fourth grade cause they said I was dumb
they found the principle floatin in a 55-gallon drum
then all the teachers put me on the strait a plan

Mama was a Hitman

I tried basketball in the 7th grade
you could count on one hand the shots that I made
I got to practice so little and didn't play none
until the coach found an ice pick stuck threw his cranium
the assitence coach said son I'm you biggest fan
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Mama was a Hitman

She baked seined cookies and red car bombs
all the while disguised as a soccer mom
our little league coach was James Earl Ray
our team pictures were takin by the CIA
she could wack out a witness wile workin the concession stand

Mama was a Hitman

Our babysitter was Mr. something sir hand

Mama was a Hitman

She could build a bomb in a bowl of rasin brand
Piced us up from school and we flew to Afghanistan

Mama was a Hitman




8.The Pussy Cat Song (修改)

Bob & Tom

1 2 3 4 1
my pussycat was scrathin' at my front door
he scratched so hard poor pussy got sore

SORE
pussy
sore
pussy
just a friendly little cat
(friendly little cat)

my pussycat was sittin' out on the front step
it started to rain and my pussy got wet

WET
pussy
sore
wet
pussy
just a friendly little cat
(frindly little cat)
(meow)

my pussycat was playing out in the back lot
he played so hard poor pussy got hot

HOT
pussy
sore
wet
hot
pussy
just a friendly little cat
(friendly little cat)

i left my whiskey bottle out last night
my pussycat drank it he got real tight

TIGHT
pussy
sore
wet
hot
tight
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pussy
just a friendly little cat
(friendly little cat)
(meow)

my pussycat was rockin' in a rocking chair
he rocked so hard he lost his hair

BALD
pussy
sore
wet
hot
tight
bald
pussy
just a friendly little cat
(friendly little cat)

my neighbor stole my kitty cat away from me
i told my neighbor set my pussycat free

FREE
pussy
sore
wet
hot
tight
bald
free
pussy
just a friendly little cat
(friendly little cat)
(meow)

chick-YES!
tom-ya kno i...i feel like ive
bob-uh huh
tom- i feel like ive just heard stairway to heaven for the first time
bob-ooo man
tom-cuz i know im gonna be hearing that song
bob and tom-A LOT!
bob-uh huh!

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9.You Can Be Mean To Me (修改)

Bob & Tom

You can be mean to me
Mean as you want to be
Just say anything that you like

You can be nasty and caddy
cruel and unusual
twist my nose with your fingers
trip me while I carry liquids

And as you pin me down
my arms right on the ground
as your spit drips into my face
deep in the back of your mind
remember at some point youll have to fall asleep

And when you fall asleep
into your room ill creep
did something move in the dark neath your bed
and then a voice you hear
its calling loud and clear
a voice that is you own
a voice thats saying 'aaaargh'

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theres thing that one can do with bengay
naire and superglue
a package of indellible dye
why would a guy
such as I ever buy
indellible dye
blue as the sky
don't ask me why

this catalouge I found
sells roaches by the pound millipedes
centipedes too
They say the meek shall inherit
because they stay up late and change the will

And when you fall asleep
into your room ill creep
did something move in the dark neath your bed
and then a voice you hear
its calling loud and clear
a voice that is you own
a voice thats saying 'aaaargh'




10.Condomnation (修改)

Bob & Tom

If I have a date and I think I'm gonna mount her,
I go to the drugstore and head to the counter.
I get what I need and I put it in my wallet.
It's the same old thing no matter what you call it.

A condom,
A scrote coat,
A manhole cover,
A pork cork,
A clam dam,
A plain ol' rubber,
A head shed,
A knob swab,
A third leg stocking.

It's all the same when your bed starts rockin'. Oh my.

If you wanna meet me for a little tryst,
Put a Coney Island white fish on your shoppin' list.
Slip it on when you're getting hot.
Then no one has to sleep on the gooey spot.

Get a gent tent,
A carp tarp,
A halt leg trouser,
A wood hood,
A clap cap,
A doogie houser,
A wank tank,
A root boot,
A prophylactic.

It'll look real slick in a johnson jacket.
Wrap that rascal up in a salami sling.

When you hit the sack,
You're ready, Jack,
To do the nasty thing.

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Put on a jock sock,
A beav sleeve,
A canyon coaster,
A ball shawl,
A spunk trunk,
A love gun holster,
A meat sheet,
A goose noose,
A rod partition.

Do the math. There's no new addition.

I met a young lady in a single's bar.
Pretty soon we're getting naked in my car.
Now she tells me I'm gonna be a dad.
I could kick myself 'cause I wish I had on

A muff moat,
A stilt kilt,
A large load stopper,
A boom balloon,
Or a totem pole topper,
A wad pod,
A wet suit,
A gonad girdle.

Cause you never know when she might be fertile.
Neutralize your schlong with a dong sarong.
When you're in bed, use a tickler head
And she'll think you're King Kong.

Wear a love glove,
A squirt shirt,
A gland end gorda,
A bone beret,
A flesh fedora.

Put one on every time you make it
And hope to God that you don't break it!