- 歌詞
- アルバムリスト
Dane Cook
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The Nothing Fight
Am I the only person here who loves to watch a couple together that hates each other's guts? That has to be the most entertaining thing when you see two people that just hate each other together, and look we've all been there everybody's been in that situation where you will stay with somebody you don't even like them. Two weeks in and already you like 'pshh', no way. I can't stand this person, I'll hang around for 5 or 6 years then we can end this thing violently. I got time.
Girls, you make the craziest excuses to stay, your friends will try and get you out of it... 'Why don't you just go? Seriously Jill just go, Jill? He's a jerk off. Just take your shit and go.' You're like 'I can't just go Kim, it's not that simple my CDs are in his truck. I can't just walk away from 40 or 50 CDs. It's gonna take 2 or 3 more years of abuse until I can leave with my CDs.'
That couple is the best, they fight over everything. Every little thing- huge explosion. And it's not even about the thing; it's about the fact that they wanna stab each other in the neck with a steak knife because they hate each other's existence. They get in what I call 'nothing fights.' Fights about absolutely nothing.
Right, you see them waiting in line for the もっと沢山の歌詞は ※ Mojim.com movie theatre. They hold hands, but it's not loving at all. It's like this rigor mortis, rheumatoid arthritis, red rover grip that they got going on. And everything's an argument.
'I should probably bring my jacket, I might get cold.' 'You bring your fucking jacket. Ya think. Do ya think? Yes. What if they're pumpin' AC in there, and then you're cold, I have to go out and I miss the previews cause I gotta get your fuckin' jacket. Bring your jacket.'
I love nothing fights. The best nothing figh I have ever seen in my life. I was at the supermarket a few months ago and I'm going down the aisle and I'm at the Stouffer's French Bread Pizzas, and I'm deciding do I want four cheese or one cheese. Cause sometimes, I like a lot of cheese. Sometimes, I like a dancing plethora of cheese in my mouth. And then sometimes, I'm into a more solo cheese adventure. Just a single, one on one. Me and one cheese. Then sometimes I want an orgy of cheese on my plate.
So as I'm standing there, contemplating my cheese future, I hear the nothing fight going on in the next aisle. I don't know exactly what they are saying, but I hear mumbles and grumbles. Ok. I hear the guy going 'grumbles' and I hear the girl she's like [girl voice]'grumbles care... more grumbles care... I don't even care... even more grumbles care.' [guy]'grumbles... care. I don't even care grumbles again care...'
I hear the nothing fight. I start getting so excited. I'm like I gotta go watch this, I gotta go see this. I'm so excited I leave my cart. You never leave your cart. God forbid somebody comes into the store and wants exactly that shit. And they're like 'What. Jackpot. This is everything I wanted.'
I'm peeking around the Entenmann's cookies and I'm watching the best nothing fight that I've ever been a part of. They're in each other's face. Ok, and the guy is saying to the girl and he's doing it like this 'Do we have any jelly in the house? Do we or do we not have jelly. You said we did last time. I'm looking in the cabinets and I don't see any god damn jelly. I just wanna know if we have any jelly in the house.'
And she's egging him on, she's like [girl voice] 'I don't even like jelly. I don't even like jelly. I get hives if I even look at jelly. Wha--I don't even know about jelly. I've never even--What is jelly. I don't even care.'
And he's like 'I don't even give a shit about the hives. I want jelly in the fuckin' house. Stat. Pronto. Tonight. I don't give a--I will break your neck and pour jelly all over your body and pray to the gods of jelly to burn your soul in a jelly like hell. Now get the jelly!'
I'm so excited; I'm eating the Entenmann's out of the box. I've opened a box and I am eating. I'll pay for it. Relax. I know you're concerned, but I'll pay.
This is the point during the nothing fight that I like to get involved. I have to get involved and I have to say something. Just a little jab, a little poke that will fuel the fire. And help take it to the next level. As they're going back and forth, I walk by them, I lean in, and I go like this, 'Hey dude, dude, dude, I know what you mean about the jelly bro. Tell this twat to get jelly. Now.'
[guy]'See, see! Get the jelly-Uh, what's that word again? What, Twat! Good word. Thanks bro. I didnt ev- I forgot about that word. GET THE JELLY TWAT! Great word dude, great word. Twat. Yes.'
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