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Seth MacFarlane
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The 'Q' Man Loves Nobody
Quagmire：Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya
Cause the 'Q' Man loves nobody but himself.
Patti：I never knew how twisted a fellow could be.
Quagmire：Hey, I guess it's good I never told ya I'm into pee.
Patti：Don't you ever listen to your inner conscience?
Quagmire: Oh, sorry, babe, I wasn't listening, what?
Patti: You really are total scum.
If only you could see the man that you've become.
Quagmire: Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya
Cause the 'Q' Man loves nobody,
Patti: You really love nobody,
Quagmire: And boy I mean nobody,
Patti: And boy you mean nobody,
Quagmire: But my own sweet flippin' self.
All right, look, whatever your problem is, just get it off your breast-chest.
Patti: I thought you gave me your heart.
Quagmire: I gave you VD, isn't that enough?
Patti: You said that we'd never part.
Quagmire: Oh, I was just kidding.
Patti: You gave me your lovers' vow.
Quagmire: Ha! If you really thought I meant it, you oughtta get your head examined right now!
Patti: You told me you'd never stray.
Quagmire: Well, that's cause we hadn't had sex yet.
Patti: And then you just walked away.
Quagmire: Ain't I a stinker?
Patti: Your attitude really stank!
Quagmire: Look, you don't need to be a genius to see that I was giving you the yank yank!
Patti: What else did you BS me about?
Quagmire: Well, since you asked…
Remember when I said I was going down the block
To grab a couple boozers with a pal?
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Patti: Yeah, you had a friend from college that you had to meet.
Quagmire: No, I was at the women's shoe store looking at feet!
Patti: What?
Quagmire: Remember when I said I had a dental checkup?
Well, let me say that I give quite a root canal.
Heh, heh, all right.
Patti: You promised me that you'd be true.
Quagmire: Hey! To me you're just vagina number 6-0-2
Quagmire: Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya
Cause the 'Q' Man loves nobody,
Patti: You really love nobody,
Quagmire: And boy I mean nobody,
Patti: And boy you mean nobody,
Quagmire: But my own sweet flippin' self.
Patti: What do you have to say for yourself, you slime?
Quagmire: Can I just squeeze your left tit a little bit?
Patti: You're the most insensitive man I've ever met.
Quagmire: Aw, that's not true; I've got feelings the same as the next guy. Well, last week, my grandma died, I was really uspset.
Patti: Oh, I'm sorry.
Quagmire: So, how about a hand job?
Cause the 'Q' Man loves nobody,
Patti: You really love nobody,
Quagmire: And boy I mean nobody,
Patti: And boy you mean nobody,
Quagmire: But my own
Both: Sweet, flippin' self!
Quagmire: Come on, honey, I'll make it up to you. I'll buy you some lingerie, heh. Giggity, giggity, giggidty, giggity!
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