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Seth MacFarlane
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All Cartoons are F**kin' Dicks
On Monday I had drink with Barney Rubble
We hit a couple divey little bars
We noticed there was a lovely lady
Sitting at the table next to ours
Now Barney, who was pretty freakin' wasted
Got up and stumbled over with a groan
He said, Hey just between us,
My neaderthalic penis is as massive as a stegasaurus bone!
All cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks
Did Barney really say that?
Oh yeah, he is a bastard.
Wow
And he, an he really does not give a damnabout the feelings of women
And uh, it's sad, it's really sad.
Well, you think that's bad, listen to this.
One day I met an ape of great charisma
Magilla the gorilla was his name
He wore a little hat and matching bowtie
A fashion which has brought him great acclaim
I said, what do you see as your career peek,
Of all your many flashy escapades?
He said, well this is funky,
but you're looking at the monkey who's responable for bringing you the AIDS!
All cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks
So he's the culprit
I say, that is just awful
Okay, okay, listen to this little gem.
I had a conversation at a party
With famous rabbit hunter Elmer Fudd
He told me I just had to see his rifle
And dropped it on the table with a thud
I said to him, It's quite a lovely firearm
He told me his fiance likes it too
He said, This may be corny,
But it really gets me horny when I press it to her temple while we screw.
All cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dickss
Ah, God, that is one sick bastard.
Ew, you're not kidding.
Yeah, that, uh, that kinda stuff is against the law too, I think.
Well, I got one that's even worse than that.
On Friday night I went to get some candy
Some soda and some chips and other stuff
Along the way I passed a little alley
And there I saw that K-9 called McGruff
I said to him, Hey, you're that famous crime dog!
He said, I only work from nine to five
And now it's close to tenish and I've got a job to finish
'cause as you can see, this hooker's still alive.
All cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks
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That's awful!
Ew, imagine McGruff beating up hookers
He is a dick. He is a dick.
Yes, yes, he's a nasty cartoon, but I can top that. Listen to this
One day as I was strolling through the forest
I happened on some mushroom covered turf
And there from underneath a patch of fungus
Emerged the one and only Papa Smurf
He said, This is our secret mushroom village
I said, Then I'm the first to see these views?
He said, I'm only kidden, 'cause we only keep it hidden from the Asians,
Arabs, faggots, blacks, and Jews
All cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks
That Papa Smurf sounds like a monster!
Oh, he's a dirty, nasty racist and a bigot and homophobe
And you know what I did when I got home?
What?
I called up Gargamel and I told him where the village is!
That's sweet
Can I go next?
Of course, sweetie!
One day I met a-
Holy crap! Look who's here, its Jason Alexander!
Hey, Cartoon-haters!
But, but I was supposed to go next!
Quiet, honey! Mr. Alexander wants to talk!
I couldn't help overhearing what you were talking about and I agree
Cartoons are real fuckin' assholes!
Yeah, that's sorta what we've been trying to communicate
Well, get a load of this!
He said load!
I know! I heard!
I once met Scooby-Doo at a premiere bash
He looked a little haggard and he stunk
He said, The trouble started last December
When Daphne made a pass while she was drunk
And now hes got a child out of wedlock
It's dealing his career a fatal blow
I asked him, Wheres the baby?
He said, Jason, buddy, maybe now you see
Why fuckin Scrappys gotta go!
All cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks
Wow, Scrappy is the bastard child of Scooby and Daphne?
Shocking, isnt it?
Yeah! Hey, you douche bags wanna wrap this up?
So let us leave you now with one suggestion
A bit of wisdom you can take for free
The Mickeys and the Goofys and the Daffys
Are not the gentle souls they seem to be
So anytime Sylvester catches Tweety
Or Tom has got poor Jerry in a fix
(He's in a fix!)
Sit back and just observe it
Cause the little shits deserve it
For all cartoons are fuckin' dicks
So! When do we get to the 'off-color' part of the album?
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