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Kate Reid
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Captain Cupcake and the Cambie Hotel
I pulled up to the bar at the Cambie Hotel in Nanaimo
There were meatheads mouthing off on the street, they were pissed up and fist-fighting
There were Harleys parked outside and a bumper stickered pick-up truck that read：
Ass, grass or gas：no-one rides for free.
And I thought to myself, this could turn out to be one hell of a night
I better leave my car engine running and tie my shoes up real tight
But this one guy inside the joint caught my eye, he was kinda skinny and scrubby-looking,
He was laughing and clapping along in time
And when I was done singing, he came up to me and I swear to you that it's true
He said, I drive a tugboat for a living, I'm pulling all the big ships through
I work the Georgia Straight everyday but we're a pod of peas, me and you
And then he said and winked, I'm not as straight as you might think
Chorus:
I'm a cross-dressing, tug-boating, roughneck from Nanaimo
I work the high seas in high heels, I'm a tough guy in disguise
Oh, they call me Captain Cupcake, I come from Vancouver Isle-oh
And I hang out down at the Cambie Hotel
I thought that I misheard this guy so I said, what did you just say
Then the trans-rock-surf-punk band plugged in and began to play
And my curious new friend checked out the lead singer of the band and elbowed me saying,
Man, I look better in a miniskirt than that guy does any-day
Anyways, Kate, you may be wondering to yourself just how does a guy like me
Get a job driving a tugboat, when I'm kind of a dude-looks-like-a-lady
Well I grew up hauling payloads big and small, I'm as good as any man
I know these seas like the back of my manicured hand
Chorus:
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One night, he said I went down to the Cambie for a beer
I couldn't believe my eyes as I walked inside, oh, I was utterly hypnotized
See there was this stunning waitress running the bar, she was dressed to the nines
She was mesmerizing, she could launch a thousands ships of mine anytime
Meanwhile, the boys from the boats sat up at the bar and they smoked and joked
And drank whiskey and poked fun at me and my femmie garb
Well, you've got style Cupcake, but make no mistake, they laughed,
She's way out of your league
You're an odd catch and you're no match for a classy broad like that
So Cupcake sat alone with his beer at a booth in a dark corner of the room
And she'd work the floor of that run-down saloon, night after night, like it was some high-fashion runway
She's captivating and I'm capsizing, head over my five-inch stilettos, he thought
Little does this little lady know, that she really floats my boat
Then one night, the boys were putting back the draught, they were plastered and making passes at her
And everything I'd been holding inside me exploded, I finally snapped, he said
I stood up and told them off and then in the next breath, I turned to her and confessed
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I've been wondering
Would you marry me?
Chorus:
Then much to the boys' surprise and well, I was certifiably tongue-tied, he said
When she threw her arms around me and said You know, the first time I laid my eyes
On you honey, I knew you were a different kind of man from all the rest
So if we can wear matching wedding dresses, then baby, I'll say yes.
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