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Cledus T. Judd

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Cledus T. Judd

If I Had Kellie Pickler's Boobs

(Spoken)
You see them mountains over there?
One of these days, I'm gonna climb them there mountains.
Last night i had a titillating dream,
A mammary I'd love to share with you.
(Sung)
Mm-mm, it felt so real to me,
Oh how wonderful life would be...
If i had Kellie Pickler's boobs!

I'd never get another speeding ticket,
Just a warning and a wink from the man in blue.
He'd say, 'Slow down, would ya please?'
Once he got a look at these,
If i had Kellie Pickler's boobs.

I'd sell myself a couple million records,
Even if i couldn't sing in tune.
You'd see a lot of me,
On H double D TV,
If i had Kellie Pickler's boobs.

I'd get all the country stars to sign 'em,
I'd show 'em off like Dolly used to do,
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I'd go tit for tat,
More hits than astroplats,
If i had Kellie Pickler's boobs.

(Music break)

I'd be BFFs with Taylor Swift and Carrie,
And we'd all hang out in their dressing room,
Thanks to Silicon,
I could finally hold my own,
If i had Kellie Pickler's boobs.

I wouldn't be ashamed to pose in Playboy,
In nothing but my red high heel shoes,
With plastic surgery,
An American Idol I could be,
If I had Kellie Pickler's boobs.
(If he had Kellie Pickler's boobs.)
(Spoken)
So I could, RACK, up some CMAs!
Get it? Love ya Kellie! Mean it!

  1. Special thanks to Wires for correcting the lyric.