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New Man (In the Style of Ed Sheeran)
No, no, no, no, no
I heard he spent five hundred pounds on jeans
Goes to the gym at least six times a week
Wears both shoes with no socks on his feet
And I hear he's on a new diet at watches what he eats
He's got his eyebrows plucked and his asshole bleached
Owns every single Ministry CD
Tribal tattoos and he don't know what it means
But I heard he makes you happy, so that's fine by me
But still, I'm just keepin' it real
Still lookin' at your Instagram and I'll be creepin' a lil'
I'll be tryin' not to double tap, from way back
'Cause I know that's where the trouble's at
Let me remind you of the days when
You used to hold my hand
And when we sipped champagne out of cider cans
I guess if you were Lois Lane, I wasn't Superman
Just a young boy tryin' to be loved
So let me give it to ya
I don't wanna know about your new man
'Cause if it was meant to be
You wouldn't be calling me up trying to
'Cause I'm positive that he don't wanna know about me
I don't wanna know about your new man
We'll get there eventually
I know you're missing all this kind of love
But I'm positive that he don't wanna know about me
Your new man rents a house in the 'burb
And wears a man bag on his shoulder, but I call it a purse
Every year, he goes to Málaga with all the fellas
Drinks beer, but has a six pack, I'm kinda jealous
He wears sunglasses indoors, in winter, at nighttime
And every time a rap song comes on, he makes a gang sign
Says, 'Cheya!', boy never light up the room
But enough about him, girl, let's talk about you
You were the type of girl who sat beside the water reading
Eatin' a packet of the crisp, but you will never find you cheating
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Now you're eating kale, hitting the gym
Keepin' up with Kylie and Kim
In the back of the club, kissing a boy that ain't him
Okay, you need to be alone
And if you wanna talk about it, you can call my phone
I just thought I would tell you, 'cause you oughta know
You're still a young girl tryin' to be loved
So let me give it to ya
I don't wanna know about your new man
'Cause if it was meant to be
You wouldn't be calling me up trying to
'Cause I'm positive that he don't wanna know about me
I don't wanna know about your new man
We'll get there eventually
I know you're missing all this kind of love
But I'm positive that he don't wanna know about me
Baby, I'm not trying to ruin your week
But you act so differently
When you're with him, I know you're lonely
Please remember you're still free
To make the choice and leave
Don't call me up, you need to show me
I don't wanna know about your new man
'Cause if it was meant to be
You wouldn't be calling me up trying to
'Cause I'm positive that he don't wanna know about me
I don't wanna know about your new man
We'll get there eventually
I know you're missing all this kind of love
But I'm positive that he don't wanna know about me
But I'm positive that he don't wanna know about
But I'm positive that he don't wanna know about
I don't wanna know about your new man
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