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The Showcast
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Dentist
When I was young and just a bad little kid
My momma noticed funny things I did
Like shootin' puppies with a B B gun
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done
I'd find a pussy cat and bash its head
That's when my momma said
(What did she say?)
She said 'My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay'
You'll be a dentist
You have a talent for causing things pain
Son, be a dentist
People will pay you to be inhumane
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And teaching would suit you still less
Son, be a dentist you'll be a success
Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque!
Watch him suck up that gas, oh my God
He is a dentist and he'll never ever be any good
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis De Sade?
Oh, that hurts, wait, I'm not numb
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Ehh, shut up, open wide, here I come
I am your dentist
And I enjoy the career that I picked
I am your dentist
And I get off on the pain I inflict
I thrill when I drill a bicuspid
It's swell, though they tell me I'm maladjusted
And though it may 'cause my patients distress
Somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me
I know that my momma's proud of me
Oh, momma
'Cause I'm a dentist and a success
Say aah
(Ahh)
Say aah
(Ahh)
Say ahh
(Ahh)
Now spit
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