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Casey
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Bruise
Six years ago I developed a shake in my hands as they carried the
weight of a love I was too young to understand,
but had convinced myself I couldn't live without.
Now the only reminders I have of a life I no longer miss are my
terrible cursive,
and problems holding my cutlery right
when I sit at the table on family occasions.
I know my mother still worries from time to time,
I guess after so long she's learning to realise more often than not
when I'm silent it means that I'm already sorry,
for not speaking up,
for not using my voice to talk about what I've been going through
And that's why I'm scared of you;
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because even before I had chance to explain,
you were tending to my wounds and soothing my aches.
I never thought I'd feel comfort again.
And I know what this is because my hands have stopped shaking;
I hesitate to call it by name just
in case that it gets taken away again.
I know that it's love, but what if I'm not enough?
Because regardless of how soft the touch I still bruise,
and I break when I when I think about how it must look to you,
as I tremble and shake in the bed
that we've only just started to make
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