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Draco and the Malfoys
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A Very Voldemort Christmas
This here's a story goes back for generations.
My daddy told me when I was little,
and his daddy told him when he was little, and, and well,
Great grand-dad Malfoy told grand-dad Malfoy when he was little. And well, heck.
This Christmas story goes back as far as there's been Death Eaters themselves. It's the story about the time that
VOLDEMORT STAYED UP REAL LATE
SO HE COULD VISIT WITH SANTA CLAUS
HE ASKED HIM FOR A PUPPY
CUZ VOLDEMORT LOVES THOSE LITTLE PAWS
You see, once Christmas Eve
A long time ago,
Little orphan Voldemort was in his orphan hole down at the orphanage.
You see, Voldemort was an orphan.
A poor and lonely orphan.
He didn't even have enough money to cobble two sticks together.
And he was lonely.
Boy was he lonely.
Nobody loved little old orphan Voldemort.
Because no one loves an orphan.
The thing he wanted, more than anything else,
was just a friend.
A friend that wouldn't mind being kicked and punched, spelled on, because that's just the way that little orphan Voldemort played. He didn't know any better.
And what better friend for little orphan Voldemort than a puppy?
The problem was, there was only one way that little orphan Voldemort could get his puppy. And that was through Santa Claus.
So this one particular Christmas Eve,
Voldemort stayed up really really late,
way past his bedtime, so he could meet Santa Claus.
He was passing the time by painting rainbows on the backs of ants and letting them loose in his ant farm. Voldemort had conditioned his ant farm to be violently intolerant towards gay ants.
While he was watching the fun,
there arose such a clatter, and then there appeared Santa Claus!
'Ey, it's-a me, Santa Claus! What's-a matter you being up-a so late, eh?'
said Santa Claus.
'Hewwow there, Santa Claus. My name's Tom Widdle.
But my fwiends call me Voldemort. I weawwy want a puppy. Can I have a puppy for Chwistmas? Pwetty pwease?'
said Voldemort.
'Ey, what kind of a fool do you think I am-a-da? Youse a very very bad boy. You no get a puppy.'
said Santa Claus.
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'Aw, shucks, Mistew. But pwease?'
said Voldemort.
'No,'
said Santa Claus.
'But pwease?'
said Voldemort.
'No,'
said Santa Claus.
'But, but I wanna teww you something.'
said Voldemort.
'What's-a that-a?'
said Santa Claus.
'Impewio.'
Just then, little orphan Voldemort's eyes turned a deep scarlet red, and little Tom Riddle entered the mind of Santa Claus.
'This is the Dark Lord Voldemort. Put the puppy in the stocking if you wish not to be harmed. If you fail to put the puppy in the stocking, you will be harmed. If you put the puppy in the stocking, you will not be harmed.'
And with a glazed look in his eyes, Santa Claus reached into his bag of puppies, grabbed one, and put it in Voldemort's stocking.
'Thank you-a so much,'
said Santa Claus.
'Thanks Mistew Santa Cwaus. Oh my goodness, my vewy own puppy.'
And then with a poof, Santa Claus disappeared in a cloud of Christmas cheer. and little orphan Voldemort was left with his puppy, who he loved and tortured for the rest of his days.
And was the story of how
VOLDEMORT STAYED UP REAL LATE
SO HE COULD VISIT WITH SANTA CLAUS
HE ASKED HIM FOR A PUPPY
CUZ VOLDEY JUST LOVES THOSE LITTLE PAWS
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