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John Williamson
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The Vasectomy Song
It's just a modern world we live in, but why do they pick on me
Why just the other week my missus had the cheek to talk me into a va-sec-tom-y
At first it never clicked that I was gettin' nicked, I thought it was to test virility
Than after I went through it, ten days we couldn't do it and then the doctor said to me
I couldn't believe it folks - He said please blow into this bag, please sir
What? - to test your capability
I beg your pardon? - we're cutting down on accidents
I said are you fair dinkum - He said please blow into this bag and we'll see
Well - I couldn't believe it at first but you know what they say about doctors orders
So he gave me the little bag and ushered me into the little room with all the pin-ups
Grubby little room it was, too, and I came back with my little bag
And the doctor was quite satisfied, and so was I
It's just a modern world we live in, there's knew fangled things every day
The cop said I was speedin', accordin' to his readin'
But I was three kilometers away
I was feelin' pretty mad when he took out his pad, I tried to stay as calm as I could be
He found a bawldy tread, he saw my eyes were red
And then he said this strange thing to me - I said what again?
He said please blow into this bag, please sir
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I said hang on - to test your capability
What? - we're cutting down on accidents
I said are you fair dinkum - He said please blow into this bag and we'll see
Well this time I really was shaken up, the cop could see I was a bit excited
He said well you better take a good grip on yourself son
So I went around behind a big gum tree and came back with my little bag
Well you can imagine what happened
It's just a modern world we live in, I'm feelin' very sad and pale
The judge said I was sick and threw me in the nick
And missus said she wouldn't pay the bail
So take it from a fool like me, beware of quacks and boys in blue
I'm feelin' pretty bruised so don't you get confused
I'd catch a train if I was you-ou
All together now - please blow into this bag, please sir
Ahh, It sends a shiver down my spine
Please blow into this bag, please sir
If the women don't get you, it's the wine
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