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Seanan McGuire
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You Get the Tickets
The movies don't need mooshy stuff --
That's what the back seat's for.
So I'll put up with putting out
If you'll provide the gore.
Freddy Krueger, Jason, Leatherface and Chucky
Slaughter lots of co-eds so that you'll get lucky --
You buy the tickets, I'll bring the breasts,
And tonight it won't be only the dead that won't be gettin' no rest.
We've got lots in common, boy:
We both know what we want.
You'll get yours when I get mine --
I'll swap you hump for haunt.
Some girls want the sugar, some girls want the spice,
Well, I want Jack the Ripper crossed with Vincent Pryce --
You find the show times, I'll spread my thighs,
And tonight it won't be just the undead who find a reason to rise.
You can keep your dramas -- I'll be misbehavin'
With Stephen King, John Carpenter and Wesley Craven.
I don't need a romance, baby, let's not quarrel.
'Stupid people bite it' is my favorite moral.
I won't say be careful or ask if it's you,
But if there's lots of blood, well, that's all I won't do,
So you pick the picture, I'll pick the date.
It doesn't matter when the previews begin -- we'll be stayin' out late.
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They say cartoons and comedies
Are what a girl desires.
Well, sorry, but I'm not amused
Until someone expires.
You can keep the chocolates and the long-stemmed roses;
Bring me something horrible that decomposes.
You get the sodas, I'll lose the skirt,
And if you wanna find a sequel or three, well, baby, that wouldn't hurt.
If you wanna make it to first base, somebody better lose their face.
If lots of co-eds die tonight, then second base may be in sight.
If third base is your final goal, somebody's gotta lose their soul --
And if Cthulhu rises out of the foam, baby, you'll be taking me home.
You buy the popcorn, I'll raise the stakes,
And if you thought this plot was fun the first time...wait 'til you see the remake.
The movies don't need CGI;
The old ways are the best.
Give me slaughter, give me slime,
And boy, you'll pass my test.
It doesn't take that much to dazzle and impress me --
Just take me to a graveyard before you undress me.
You get the picture? Come on, let's go.
We'll make our bodies count each moment at the late night picture show!
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