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Adam Sandler
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The Buffoon And The Valedictorian
'And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's
valedictorian.'
Valedictorian: 'I really appreciate you're asking me out. Most people
are intimidated by my high academic achievement.'
Buffoon: 'This movie sucks shit!'
Valedictorian: 'Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up, but Ciscel thought it was
too preachy. Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly.'
Buffoon: 'Cathleen Turner has big fuckin' tits!'
Valedictorian: 'Yes, well, she recently had a child. I think her
maternal biology may play a role in that. She looks fabulous for a woman
her age, doesn't she?'
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Buffoon: 'I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his fuckin'
head off.'
Valedictorian: 'Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon
for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their
maturing process.'
Buffoon: 'That girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives
everybody head.'
Valedictorian: 'Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels
promiscuity is the only way to obtain it.'
[Buffoon eating popcorn]
Buffoon: 'This popcorn's fuckin' terrible. It tastes like someone jizzed
all over it.'
[Buffoon continues to eat popcorn]
Valedictorian: 'Well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly
disturbing. Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome by
the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank.'
Buffoon: 'I looked at my asshole in the mirror today. It blew my fuckin'
mind!'
Valedictorian: 'It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd and
unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis.
Buffoon: 'My father's shit stinks up the bathroom all fuckin' day!'
Valedictorian: 'It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more
overpowering than another's. I wonder whether it is a function of the
food digested or that person's internal metabolism.'
Buffoon: 'I'm gonna go get head from that fuckin' girl.'
[Gets out of the car]
Valedictorian: 'Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt
conclusion.'
[Buffoon walking away]
'I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future
rondevue.'
Buffoon: 'I like to piss in that guy's fuckin' gas tank!'
Valedictorian: 'Bye bye! Have fun.'
[Buffoon continues to walk away]
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