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Tom Milsom
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Becoming YouTube Was a Waste Of Time
You had friends.
You had a family.
A degree in TV,
You were gonna go far.
You were young (no, not young)
You were keen,
Upwardly mobile,
And you gave it all up (no)
And I traded it in
For a DSLR. (Hey good I like that. Don't worry about it)
So you bid them adieu (no)
So you said your farewell,
And you dyed your hair well,
To get all the girls to like you (no, hm)
To get all the boys to like you (no)
(To fit in at all the parties? Yes Hayden I like that! Yeah thanks Hayden...)
To fit in at all the parties.
(It's true though)
But all that I've done,
Is accidentally become
Another member of the fucking YouTube Digerati
I used to be in awe of all the glamour.
I used to think YouTube-ing was sublime.
But now I'm in the thick of it,
I'm feeling like a prick a bit.
Becoming YouTube was a waste of time!
You thought you'd get
Some good discussion.
You thought the world would gather round
And type out 'LOL' before your eyes
But that was then
And now I've seen it.
That any of you idiots can type at all's a surprise
And though your hugs are all free,
You should be paying for me
To make you feel less gross and lonely.
I never want to attend
Another gathering my friend,
They're like a weirdo-touching ceremony.
I thought I'd meet some interesting people.
I thought at least the people would be fine.
But you've all flipped your lids
And still that's only the kids.
Becoming YouTube was a waste of time!
And who would seek
This demographic?
It isn't healthy for the soul
Although you're making some dough.
And in five years
Maybe a decade,
You'll be on BBC3 presenting some shitty show.
I'd rather dangle than this,
Why did I angle for this?
How can you fangirl for this I don't know?
Send presents to those who take care of you!
Not someone who'd eat their own hair for views!
(Do people like that actually exist? I don't know, but it's provocative. No it's not, it's gross! Gets the people going!)
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And so you're done,
With entertaining.
This is the last you'll hear of me and yes my future is bleak.
But don't be sad,
You'll soon forget me,
When some other boy with hair starts up a channel next week.
And he'll be cute and outragious
With a laugh that's contagious
And a catchphrase that's enduring.
For maybe one month or two
Until you find someone new,
Who has a face that's even more alluring.
'A stranger baked a cake for me!'
'I just got told I'm gay'
'I'm on a BuzzFeed list of boys whose hair gets in the way'
'I can't keep up with all the hate'
'Your comments make me ill'
'I ship you guys'
'I hate your thighs'
'I'm first!'
'You suck'
'AMAZINGPHIL!'
Who cares about the words their stupid mouths make?
Who cares if in the past they've done a crime?
The thoughts that you choose
Won't really impact your views.
Becoming YouTube was a waste of time!
--
My life is empty once again.
This crazy YouTube fame ain't all it's meant to be.
What can Ben leaving us mean?
Now who'll be the Jack to my Dean?
I'm not happy right now.
Gotta change it somehow.
My world is monochrome again.
Who'll fix the sub-box now that Ben has gone?
Who'll help legitimise our platform to the wider world if he goes?
--
You saw a chance to gain a reputation. (I did!)
I saw an opportunity to shine.
I used to feel number one,
But now it's stopped being fun.
Become YouTube was a waste of time!
I guess being a dork is what I do now.
What else have I got left to get me by?
Don't get your life wrong;
Remember what's in the song.
Becoming YouTube is a total
Time consuming, money sucking,
Weird, confusing and frustrating,
Hyper-fucking-inter-dating,
Sneaky, bitchy,
Freaky, glitchy,
Posted weekly
Don't forget misogynistic! (Fuck off Lex!)
Waste of time!
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