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The Robertson Brothers
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Night Before Christmas
Now the night before Christmas, I was sitting in my house
And there wasn't nothin' movin' around, not even a mouse
The socks were hung up by the fireplace to dry
In hopes that ole Santa Clause would bring me pie
My children are grown, so nobody's in bed
And I got the sound of duck calls stuck in my head
Mama's in her gown and I got on my cap
And I ain't tired 'cause I took a 3 hour nap
When all of a sudden I heard a big crash
I figured it was just some coons diggin' in the trash
I went to the window and slipped on some shoes
'Cause I don't like critters snoopin' around in my refuge
Now the moon was bright and there was no sight of snow
And hey, I have the eyes of an eagle, just so you know
When all of the sudden what seemed to appear
Was a tiny little tree stand and a whole lotta deer
I knew I had seen him, he was acting very silly
And I was convinced it could only be Willie
Now he was yellin' and screamin', callin' out names
And those deer started movin' and all those suckers came
Now I thought he said hey Dasher, hey Prancer and Spitzer
Maybe Comet, something 'bout Cupid, Donner and wolf Blitzer
Let's head to roof, from there they would spring
These deers has magical powers and all of them had wings
Now I took of my glasses 'cause this was too weird
Big bucks turned into ducks is what seemed to appear
Hey, they circled around and I swear that they flew
These deer had bags of my garbage and Big Willie in there too
And then in a flash they was terain' up my roof
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I heard the stompin' and chompin' of each little hoof
As I drew out my pistol, not knowing what to say
Down the fireplace came Willie, he must have got away
He had on a mink coat from his bandana to his foot
And his clothes were all nasty covered in ashes and soot
He had my bag of garbage flung over his back
And he looked like a fat raccoon looking for a snack
As I stood there wondering why he was not in bed
I yelled hey I don't have any cookies you crazy knucklehead
His mouth was wide open as he stood there in shock
Then I realized I was in my tighty whiteys with only a top
Ok, Willie looked like he was smokin' a pipe
I know I had never seen that and it didn't seem right
Not sure it was Willie's face but no doubt it was his belly
With an unmistakable shake 'cause hey, Willie loves his jelly
Ok, Willie's chubby and plump, like a fat little mouse
And I got tickled at seein' him and said why are you at my house
He winked at me and smiled as he set down is stash
I saw it was not my garbage and certainly was not my trash
Hey, this cat didn't say a word as he pulled out some toys
And not just cheap crap, this stuff was for big boys
He was doing a job and he was going to work
This could not be Willie, because Willie, he's a jerk
He left me some goodies then he sprang in the air
I wasn't sure what I just saw, but hey, I didn't care
And I heard him yell out as he left with his pack
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night, Jack!
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