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Various Artists



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Various Artists

Happy New Year B

MAUREEN
I think we need an agent!

MARK
We?

JOANNE
That's selling out

MARK
But it's nice to dream

MAUREEN
Yeah -- it's network TV
And it's all thanks to me

MARK
Somehow I think I smell
The whiff of a scheme

JOANNE
Me too

MAUREEN
We can plan another protest

JOANNE
We?!

MAUREEN
This time you can shoot from the start... (to MARK)
You'll direct (to JOANNE)
Starring me!

(Lights shift back to downstairs.)

ALL
5, 4, 3... Open sesame!!
(The door falls away, revealing MARK, JOANNE, and MAUREEN.)
Happy new year
Happy new year
Happy new...

BENNY (entering)
I see that you've beaten me to the punch

ROGER
How did you know we'd be here?

BENNY
I had a hunch

MARK
You're not mad?

BENNY
I'm here to end this war
It's a shame you went and destroyed the door

MIMI
Why all the sudden the big about face

BENNY
The credit is yours
You made a good case

ROGER
What case?

BENNY
Mimi came to see me
And she had much to say

MIMI
That's not how you put it at all yesterday

BENNY
I couldn't s thinking about the whole mess
Mark -- you want to get this on film

MARK (picking up his camera)
I guess

BENNY
I regret the unlucky circumstances
Of the past seven days

ROGER
Circumstance? You padlocked our door

BENNY
And it's with great pleasure
On behalf of CyberArts
That I hand you this key
(BENNY hands him the key.)

ANGEL
Golf claps
(They oblige.)

MARK
I have no juice in my battery

BENNY
Reshoot

ROGER
I see -- this is a photo opportunity

MAUREEN
The benevolent god
Ushers the poor artists back to their flat
Were you planning on taking down the barbed wire
From the lot, too?

ROGER
Anything but that!

BENNY
Clearing the lot was a safety concern
We break ground this month
But you can return

MAUREEN
That's why you're here with people you hate
Instead of with Muffy at Muffy's estate

BENNY
I'd honestly rather be with you tonight than in Westport --

ROGER
Spare us old sport, the soundbite

BENNY
Mimi -- since your was are so seductive
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MIMI
You came on to me!

BENNY
Persuade him not to be so counterproductive

ROGER
Liar!

BENNY
Why not tell them what you wore to my place?

MIMI
I was on my way to work

BENNY
Black leather and lace!
My desk was a mess
I think I'm still sore

MIMI
Cause I kicked him and told him I wasn't his whore!

BENNY
Does your boyfriend know
Who your last boyfriend was?

ROGER
I'm not her boyfriend
I don't care what she does

ANGEL
People! Is this any way to start a new year?
Have compassion
Benny just lost his cat

BENNY
My dog -- but I appreciate that

ANGEL
My cat had a fall
And I went through hell

BENNY
It's like losing a --
How did you know that she fell?

COLLINS
(Hands BENNY a glass of champagne)
Champagne?

BENNY
Don't mind if I do
To dogs!

ALL BUT BENNY
No, Benny -- To you!

ANGEL
Let's make a resolution

MIMI
I'll drink to that

COLLINS
Let's always stay friends

JOANNE
Tho' we may have our disputes

MAUREEN
This family tree's got deep roots

MARK
Friendship is thicker than blood

ROGER
That depends

MIMI
Depends on trust

ROGER
Depends on true devotion

JOANNE
Depends on love

MARK (to ROGER)
Depends on not denying emotion

ROGER
Perhaps

ALL
It's gonna be a happy new year

ROGER
I guess

ALL
It's gonna be a happy new year

ROGER
You're right

(ANGEL brings ROGER and MIMI together. ANGEL and others move
away from MIMI and ROGER.)

ANGEL
It's gonna be a happy new year

ROGER & MIMI
I'm sorry

ROGER
Coming?

MIMI
In a minute -- I'm fine -- go

(ROGER kisses MIMI and exits. THE MAN appears.)

THE MAN
Well, well, well. What have we here?
(He walks over to MIMI and holds out a small plastic bag of white
powder.)
It's gonna be a happy new year
There, there...etc.

(Fade out.)