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Trey Parker, Robert Lopez & Matt Stone
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All-American Prophet
You all know the Bible
Is made of Testaments old and new.
You've been told it's just tose two parts,
Or only one, if you're a Jew.
But what if I were to tell you
There's a FRESH third part out there?
That was found by a HIP new prophet
Who had a little...
Donny Osmond flair?
Have you heard of the
All-American Prophet?
The blonde-haired,
Blue-eyed voice of God!
He didn't come from the Middle East
Like those other holy men!
No, God's favorite prophet was...
All-American!
I'm gonna take you back to Biblical times; 1823.
An American man man named Joe livin' on a farm in the holy land of Rochester, New York!
You mean the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith?!
That's right, that young man spoke to God!
He spoke to God?!
And God said:
'Joe, people really need to know
That the Bible isn't two parts!
There's a part THREE to
The Bible, Joe! And I, God
Have anointed you to dig up this
Part three that is buried by the
Tree on the hill in your backyard!'
Wow, God says go to you backyard and start digging, that makes PERFECT SENSE!
Joseph Smith went up to that hill,
And dug where he was told.
And deep in the ground, Joseph found
Shining plates of gold!
What are these golden plates?
Who buried them here, and why?
Then appeared an angel!
His name was Moroni!
I am Moroni...
The All-American Angel!
My people lived here
Long, long ago!
This is the history of my race!
Please read the words within!
We were Jews who met with Christ,
But we were...
All-American!
But don't let anybody see these plates
Except for you...
They are only for you to see...
Even if people ask you to show
The plates to them, DON'T.
Just copy them onto normal paper.
Even thought this might make them
Question if the plates are real, or not,
This is sort of what God is going for...
Joseph took the plates home,
And wrote down what he found inside!
He turned those plates into a book,
Then rushed into town and cried:
Hey! God spoke to me and gave me
This blessed ancient tome!
He hath commanded me to publish it,
And stick it in every home!
Wow! So the Bible is actually a trilogy,
and the Book of Mormon is Return of the Jedi?! I'M interested!
Now, many people didn't believe
The prophet Joseph Smith.
They thought he'd made up this part three
That was buried by a tree on the hill in his backyard!
LIAR!
But Joe said:
This is no lie!
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I speak to God all the time,
And he told me to head west!
So I'll take my part three
From the hill with the tree,
Feel free if you'd like
To come along with me,
To the promised land!
The PROMISED LAND?
Paradise!
On the west coast!
Nothing but fruit and fields
As far as the eye can see!
Have you heard of the
All-American prophet?
He found a brand new book
About Jesus Christ!
We're following him to paradise;
We call ourselves Mormons!
And our new religion is...
All-American!
Wow! How much does it cost!?
The Mormons kept on searching for
That place to settle down,
But every time they thought they'd found it,
They got kicked out of town!
And even though people wanted
To see the golden plates,
Joseph never showed em!
I have maggots in my scrotum.
Um... okay.
Well, anyway...
Now comes the part of our story
That gets a little bit sad...
On the way to the promised land,
Mormons made people mad.
Joseph was shot by and angry mob,
And knew he'd soon be done...
You must lead the people now,
My good friend... Brigham Young.
Oh, God... why are you letting me die?
Without having me
Show people the plates?
They'll have no proof I was
Telling the truth or not.
They'll have to believe it just...
Cause.
Oh! I guess that's kinda what you
Were going for...
Blargggh...
The prophet Joseph Smith DIED for what he believed in.
But his followers, they kept on heading west.
And Brigham Young led them to paradise. A sparkling land in Utah called...
Salt Lake City!
And there the Mormons multiplied, and made BIG MORMON families.
Generation to generation until finally... they made ME.
And now it's my JOB,
TO LEAD YOU WHERE THOSE EARLY SETTLERS WERE LEAD LONG AGO!!!
Have you heard of the All-American prophet?
Kevin Price!!!
The next in line
To be the voice of God?!
My best friend!!!
He's gonna do something
Incredible!
And be Joseph Smith again!
Cause Kevin Price the prophet is...
All...
All...
All...
ALL-AMERICAN-!
If you order now, we'll also throw in a set of steak knives!
ALL-AMERICAN!
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