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Neil Hilborn

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Neil Hilborn

Clatter

It is impossible to imagine a color
you have not seen. I can't call my mother
because she makes me panic. When I
say I am crying what I really mean
is that I want to cry but can't. Instead
of dying, the jellyfish simply ceases
to move. Glass moves like any other
liquid, but slower. Sex is another way
of communicating with your body
like self-harm or sign language. I complete
five crosswords a day because it stops
the panic. Trucks are downshifting
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on Main Street. Most of what I do I do
to stop the panic. I never cry at things
outside of my head because they all
seem so far away. Hair is partially
composed of cyanide. Napalm
is just gasoline and plastic. I am just
carbon and bad timing. If I were someone
else I think I would still be mentally ill.
It is impossible to imagine a color
you have not seen.