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Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast



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Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast

Cold Showers

There's nothing I love more in life
Than a scalding hot shower
It's the symbol of human dignity
That separates us from the chimps

Helps you scrub off the sleep and scrub on the day
Or scrub off the day, and scrub on the sleep
Don't know if you're morning or night shower people
Whatever floats your boat

But where are your toddlers gonna float their boats
If all you have is cold HO?
That's two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen
And zero parts justice

Now I know you're thinking
'What are you talking about?
Go away, this is private property'

Well, before we leave, ladies and gents
Allow me to set the scene: ima

Yeah, I don't live here

Oh

Imagine your kids
Taking a shower before they go to school
They douse their skin with ice cold water
A huge shock to their little systems
At first it's downright unpleasant, but then
It gets them wired in a way they've never felt
And they think to themselves: 'That shower felt great, Maybe I'll try cocaine'

So your son's on coke, your daughter's pregnant
And your husband's probably having an affair, apocalypse
Just like the movie I Am Legend
But not like that at all

No hot water
Which means cold showers
Next thing you know, your kids will be on crack

No hot water

Which means cold showers

Which everyone knows is the gateway drug to crack
Crack, crack, crack

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Crack, crack, crack, crack

Now, it's not just about the hot water, folks

Crack, crack, crack, crack

If this landlord isn't taking one measly hour
Out of his day to fix your showers
Then what's this scumbag doing with all your hard earned cash?
He's taking it and blowing it

Crack, crack, crack, crack

In a hand of Pai Gow at the Indian casino

(gasp) Crack, crack, crack

He's fat-catting it at fancy restaurants like The Olive Garden

(gasp) Crack, crack, crack, crack

And Red Lobster

(Big Gasp) oh!

Gasp is right
That's gasp with an uppercase G
That ends with a P the first letter in pool

No hot water

No hot water

Which means cold showers

Next thing you know Your kids will be on crack

This makes sense

No hot water
Means cold, cold showers
And cold showers are the gateway drug
To crack

Cold water is drugs

Yeah!