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Ganon Claus

Ganon：A time ago and far away, there was a distant land!
And in it lived a handsome brute,
a grouchy. greenish man!
He beat to death a gangly elf
and led the Gerudo clan!
He was known as the dreaded Canon Claus1
Peach:*Oh I know that Story*
Ganon:*You know?*
Peach:*Sure*
Old Ganon Claus had sacks of gold
he gave to those in need! (Ganon: He what?!)
he'd ho-ho-ho across the snow
upon his noble steed!
Ganon: And then, In every town, he'd trample down-
Peach:- all those praticing greed!
Says the tale of the gracious Ganon Claus!
*Ganon is grumbling and Peach is playing a plastic trumpet*
Ganon: Now Ganon Claus was pretty bad...
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his evil knew no bounds!
Peach: O dear!
I heard he did much nicer things...
Ganon: Like BURN STUFF TO THE GROUND!
He killed off Gorons, Zora and that guy who goes around... *and around, and around,
and around. That Guy looks like Brentalfloss*
And the world feared the wicked Ganon Claus! *evil laughing*
There came a day when Ganon Claus
caused hyrule's hope to fall!
He took the triforce, then proclaimed...
Peach: 'Merry Christmas to you all!'(Ganon: No he didn't)
Put his rupies in charities
and gave his mum a call! (Ganon: Muuuum!?)
Oh, that merry and caring Ganon Claus!
*Ganon is grumbling again and peach says Good Bye*