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Hollow Name
I've made an idol out of self-loathing. I detest my abhorrent ways.
I'm wandering a labyrinth I'll never escape.
I've made my bed among the tombs of kings.
I'm led to my death by my idle wanderings.
I'm counting down the days until you turn your back on me.
With this veil over my eyes, I can hardly see.
The knowledge I've gained leaves a bitter taste on my tongue,
and I won't find worth in any of these songs I've sung.
My throat is an open grave as I try to find meaning in my hollow name.
I've come to learn there's a death sentence on me,
but I'll keep drawing out my own misery.
I'll turn my back and thrive in addiction. My pure ambitions will surely fade.
Maybe I'll sink through the cold ground and recede into a state
of nonexistence.
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You'll watch me choke on reality; the truth fills up my lungs.
I have a sickness.
I despise myself.
Apathy tries to numb my pain, regret envelops me again. I can't make sense
of this; I can't see your face. Unbounded love surrounds me yet I'm in a pit
of self-condemnation, because I am truly nothing. I could be rescued and
embraced, but my own hatred has me stubbornly chained to the unmoving
ground because I deserve death.
I don't deserve life, I don't deserve redemption. I deserve to be abandoned,
to suffer in my shame.
I don't deserve your grace.
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