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Bernadette Peters
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Last Midnight
Baker：It's because of you there's a giant in our midst, and my wife is dead!
Jack：But it isn't my fault,
I was given those beans!
You persuaded me to trade away my cow for beans!
And without those beans, there'd have been no stalk
To get up to the giant in the first place!
Baker: Wait a minute, magic beans for a cow so old
That you had to tell a lie to sell it, which you told!
Were they worthless beans? Were they oversold?
Oh, and tell us who persuaded you to steal that gold!
LRRH : See, it's your fault.
Jack: No!
Baker: So it's your fault.
Jack: No!
LRRH: Yes, it is!
Jack: It's not!
Baker: It's true.
Jack: Wait a minute, though--
I only stole the gold to get my cow back
From you!
LRRH : So it's your fault!
Jack: Yes!
Baker: No, it isn't!
I'd have kept those beans, but our house was cursed.
She made us get a cow to get the curse reversed!
Witch: It's his father's fault that the curse got placed,
And the place got cursed in the first place!
LRRH: Oh. Then it's his fault!
Witch: So.
Cinderella: It was his fault.
Jack: No.
Baker: Yes, it is, it's his.
Cinderella: I guess.
Jack: Wait a minute, though--
I chopped down the beanstalk, right? That's clear.
But without any beanstalk, then what's queer
Is how did the second giant get down here
In the first place?
.second place.
Cinderella: Yes!
LRRH: How?
Baker: Hmm.
Jack: Well, who had the other bean?
Baker: The other bean?
Cinderella: The other bean?
Jack : You pocketed the other bean.
Baker: I didn't!
Yes, I did.
LRRH: So it's your f--!
Baker: No, it isn't, 'cause I gave it to my wife!
LRRH: So it's her f--!
Baker: NO, IT ISN'T!
Cinderella: Then whose is it?
Baker: Wait a minute! She exchanged that bean to obtain your shoe,
So the one who knows what happened to the bean is you!
Cinderella: You mean that old bean-- that your wife--? Oh, dear--
But I never knew, and so I threw--
Well, don't look here!
LRRH: So it's your fault!
Cinderella: But--
Jack: See, it's her fault--
Cinderella: But--
Jack: And it isn't mine at all!
Baker : But what?
Cinderella : Well, if you hadn't gone back up again--
Jack: We were needy--
Cinderella: You were greedy! Did you need that hen?
Jack: But I got it for my mother--!
LRRH: So it's her fault then!
Cinderella: Yes, and what about the harp in the third place?
Baker: The harp--yes!
Jack : She went and dared me to!
LRRH: I dared you to?
Jack: You dared me to!
She said that I was scared--
LRRH: ME?
Jack: --to. She dared me!
LRRH: No, I didn't!
Baker, Cinderella, Jack: So it's your fault!
LRRH: Wait a minute--!
Cinderella: If you hadn't dared him to--
Baker And you had left the harp alone,
We wouldn't be in trouble in the first place!
LRRH : Well, if you hadn't thrown away the bean
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In the first place--!
It was your fault!
Cinderella :
Well, if she hadn't raised them in the first place--!
Jack : Yes, if you hadn't raised them in the first place--!
LRRH, Baker :
Right! It's you who raised them in the first place--!
Cinderella : You raised the beans in the first place!
Jack: It's YOUR fault!
Cinderella, Jack, LRRH, Baker: You're responsible!
You're the one to blame!
It's your fault!
Witch: Shhhhhhhhhhh!
Witch: It's the last midnight.
It's the last wish.
It's the last midnight,
Soon it will be boom--
Squish!
Told a little lie, stole a little gold, broke a little vow,
Did you?
Had to get your Prince, had to get your cow,
Have to get your wish, doesn't matter how.
Anyway, it doesn't matter now.
It's the last midnight,
It's the boom--
Splat!
Nothing but a vast midnight,
Everybody smashed flat!
Nothing we can do...
Not exactly true:
We can always give her the boy...
No?
No, of course, what really matters is the blame.
Somebody to blame.
Fine, if that's the thing you enjoy, placing the blame,
If that's the aim, give me the blame.
Just give me the boy.
No?
You're so nice.
You're not good, you're not bad,
You're just nice.
I'm not good, I'm not nice,
I'm just right.
I'm the witch.
You're the world.
I'm the hitch, I'm what no one believes.
I'm the witch.
You're all liars and thieves,
Like his father!
Like his son will be too!
Oh, why bother?
You'll just do what you do!
It's the last midnight,
So goodbye, all.
Coming at you fast, midnight--
Soon you'll see the sky fall!
Here, you want a bean?
Have another bean.
Beans were made for making you rich!
Plant them and they soar--
Here, you want some more?
Listen to the roar:
Giants by the score--!
Oh well, you can blame another witch.
It's the last midnight,
It's the last verse.
Now, before it's past midnight,
I'm leaving you my last curse:
I'm leaving you alone.
You can tend the garden, it's yours.
Separate and alone,
Everybody down on all fours.
All right, Mother, when?
Lost the beans again!
Punish me the way you did then!
Give me claws and a hunch,
Just away from this bunch
And the gloom
And the doom
And the boom
Cruuuunch!
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