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Neil Cicierega
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I Know Your Name
It was a Friday.
I saw a movie, but it wasn't very long,
so I snuck into another one.
Employees caught me. They threw me out into the mall.
All in all, it was pretty fun.
But then it happened: I bumped into a random guy.
He said 'Excuse me,' and he tried to walk away.
But I had just had a psychic vision.
I said, 'Sir, I don't know why, but I know your name.'
I said,
'I know, I know, I know your name.
I know, I know, I know your name.
I know, I know, I know your name.
I know, I know your name is…
Your name is Bob. Your name is Bob.
Your name is Bob, I know.'
The guy said, 'Sorry, my name is Fred,'
And then he slowly walked away. I never saw that guy again.
Went back to my house.
Went to my room to feed my fish which was floating on its back,
So I gave it to the cat.
When he was finished, I took the bones away,
But right before I reached the garbage something happened in my brain.
Well I had just had a psychic vision.
I said, 'Cat, I don't know why, but I know your name.'
I said,
'I know, I know, I know your name.
I know, I know, I know your name.
I know, I know, I know your name.
I know, I know your name is…
Your name is Bob. Your name is Bob.
Your name is Bob, I know.'
The cat said nothing,
And then threw up onto my freshly shampooed carpet.
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I rolled my eyes and walked outside.
It started raining.
I ran for shelter in an alleyway that smelled as if an elephant had died.
There was a box there.
I looked inside to see a homeless man,
Dressed in rags, bearded and insane.
And suddenly I had a psychic vision.
I said, 'Sir, I don't know why, but I know your name.'
I said,
'I know, I know, I know your name.
I know, I know, I know your name.
I know, I know, I know your name.
I know, I know your name is…
Your name is Bob. Your name is Bob.
Your name is Bob, I know.'
The homeless man stared. He looked a bit scared.
He asked me how I knew his name. I couldn't say.
And it was awkward. He fell asleep,
And I walked back home in the rain. (In the rain.)
But then it happened: another vision came to me.
Another psychic idea from my dreams.
I knew I had to burn down the supermarket to achieve world peace.
So I did.
So I did…
So I did…
So I did…
So I did…
So I did…
So I did…
So I did…
So I did…
So I did…
So I did…
So I did!
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