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Neil Cicierega
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Treasure Map
Happily this afternoon,
Along the beach I waddle.
Looking at the sand,
I spy an old, forgotten bottle!
I pick it up, and look at it!
My eyes go big and wide!
For heaven's yes! There seems to be
A treasure map inside!
Somewhere at the tail end
Of this twisty, dotted line
A chest of gold awaits,
And soon it's going to be mine!
I buy a sturdy shovel,
Since the treasure will be deep.
I buy expensive boots,
Because my old ones are too cheap.
I buy a fancy compass
And a treasure-hunting cap,
Then off I set, into the forest
Eyes upon my map.
So carefully I trace the pathway,
Every little bend
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It's almost getting dark,
Before - at last! I reach the end!
I'm so excited, I can't help
But do a little jig!
I calm myself, take out my shovel,
And proceed to dig.
I dig and dig and dig
Until my hands begin to hurt,
Then finally, my treasure chest!
All worn and caked in dirt!
But when I look inside the chest,
I only find a note.
Upon it is this simple little message,
And I quote:
Everybody wants to find
A buried treasure chest,
But no-one wants to bury one.
If you do, be my guest!
Pirates are assholes.
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